So Close, Yet So Far
by LoverGurrl411
Summary: A different take on Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask's first kiss. Season one. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or anything affiliated with it. If you sue you're a jerk and an ass!

A.N.- This is my first Sailor Moon fanfic ever so I hope everyone enjoys. It's AU first season, but in this fic they're both in High School. Serena: 16 and Darien: 17. All the scouts are already found and together but Darien and Serena don't know the other's identity. I know some are thinking I'm crazy for writing another fanfiction when I have so many already, but I really couldn't help myself. At least it's only a one-shot…for now. ;)

So Close, Yet So Far

LoverGurrl 411

_/Hurry up and wait. So close, but so far away…close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch._

…_We live and we learn to take one step at a time…it's like learning to fly or falling in love._

…_You believe and you doubt. You're confused, you got it all figured out/_

_-One Step at a Time, Jordin Sparks_

The wind was blowing and the air was clear. Serena stood there, facing Tuxedo. She stood there, fierce, looking like a warrior, and to him she was. He could not see past her very literal mask, and she didn't want him to. If he knew her, he'd know she wasn't fierce at all.

"I need some answers" she spoke quietly. Tuxedo mask heard the determination behind the words and knew that she wasn't joking, or just asking to ask. After the battle they'd had, he just wants to go home but his gentlemanly nature wouldn't allow him to leave her alone. He took her out of the finished battle because he wanted to hold her a little longer and he'd return her to her Scouts. It was in his blood.

'_Your chivalry is going to get you killed one day_' a voice whispered in his mind. His traitorous mind. The same one that told him to save her, and hold her just a tad bit closer.

"I can't guarantee some answers." He replied, ambiguous as always.

"I know," she started. "I'm not asking you to tell me who you really are, or any deep dark secrets. I just need to know you're a friend. My Scouts need to know." Sailor Moon finished hesitantly. Her throat burned with the words attempting to creep up. _She needed to know that he'd always save her._

Her tattered clothes swayed in the wind and she felt more naked than before, when she was running for her life. Sailor Moon wrapped her arms tight around her waist, and Tuxedo Mask watched her intently. He watched her slender arms hold herself up, and he felt a sudden ache he hadn't known he had before slithering through his veins. It was warm and crushing simultaneously.

"I promise you that I'm your friend." Tuxedo Mask velvet voice spoke into the night, caressing Sailor Moon's skin. His voice created goose-bumps all over her body, and she shivered.

"And the Scouts?" Sailor Moon asked strongly. She wouldn't be swayed by silky words or a silky voice. She wasn't a great fighter, but she could do this. _This_ she could do: be strong for her scouts when they weren't around to be strong for themselves.

"I can't promise you that." He said honestly. The honesty cost him, as he watched Sailor Moon turn her back to him. Her shoulders were rigid, and he knew that she was going to walk away. But she didn't. She turned right back around to him and grabbed his sleeve. She gripped the sleeve tight in her small hands and pleaded with him.

"Why? We're obviously fighting against the same enemy. Why do _we_ have to be enemies?" She cried to him. She knew what he was going to say before he said it, but it hurt to hear it anyway.

"Because we all have our own agendas, Sailor Moon. That's just the way things are." He felt old as the words left him. He felt like he had lived a thousand years, though it had only been seventeen. He felt weighed down by the heaviness of drawing enemy lines with a beauty he'd rather bed than kill one day. _All for some princess_. Who's to say he wasn't delusional? Maybe there was no princess. Maybe it's all in his head.

Tiny diamond tears glittered at the corner of Sailor Moon's eyes, and he brushed them away. His gloves aren't able to take away the tiny tear tracks that were created, and maybe that was a foreboding warning from the Gods that allowed him to note that.

"We don't have to be. We can _all_ get along! I know we can!" Sailor Moon beseeched him. Her optimism was so full of naivety and youth that he couldn't help but remember that this girl that dressed up in the middle of the night just like him, was probably his age – maybe a year older or younger but still around his age – and they all grew up too fast, while others like her, held on to that sanguinity.

He closed the distance between them in a split second and her arms went up in reflex, but all they met was his solid chest. It was covered by thick smooth clothing, but she could feel the heat of body under her palms and she felt her body react. She wanted so badly for all the fighting to stop. To _just stop. _She was tired and fatigued and she didn't want any more enemies. She wanted friends and maybe lovers that would show her what it was like to live in a world without danger, teaching her only the pleasures of silk sheets and chocolate covered strawberries.

"Maybe one day we all will" Tuxedo Mask said gently. He wanted to give her hope, only because such jejunity shouldn't be wasted on such sad and despondent thoughts. He wanted her to dance and sing and dream of a time when they can all laugh about the history they create with each battle. Tuxedo Mask wanted her to do all this because it wasn't in his nature to do so, and he so desperately needed someone to do so for him. But all thoughts stopped as he gazed into her eyes deeper than before and saw a light fire licking her irises. It was a dormant passion. It was licking her insides, waiting, and just like that he knew she'd never known the gratification of sharing her bed with another.

She was pure and untainted, and he wanted to taste those cherry lips that were battle worn and slowly healing themselves.

He leaned in and kissed her, knowing full well it was her first kiss. And what a kiss it was. Fireworks didn't explode in the night sky, and heaven didn't suddenly sing out over the world. Bombs were still dropping probably somewhere in the world, and somewhere a person's mother was crying, but for a few moments where Tuxedo Mask pretended he had no mask on and Sailor Moon pretended he knew he was kissing Serena – the klutz, everything wasn't right, but it was okay. It was okay in the kind of way that inspired famous paintings and sheer genius, and the moment was _theirs_. The princess of Tuxedo Mask's dreams couldn't strip him of that, and the scouts couldn't take it away from Sailor Moon, because the moment belonged to only them. Like a dream to its dreamers.

And in this kiss they dreamed together, of a world where dreams weren't needed because everything came true…but the kiss came to an end, and Tuxedo Mask silently lifted Sailor Moon into his arms. He jumped from building to building, leading further away from the them they were in that solitaire moment to the them they are in battle, until they finally reach the Sailor Scouts.

"There she is! Oh, thank God" Luna cried out to the scouts. '_As if Tuxedo Mask was the devil who kidnapped Sailor Moon' _his mind scoffed, but deep inside himself, he knew he took something from Sailor Moon tonight that wasn't his to take. Her first kiss belonged to a guy who knew what she looked like in the daylight, eyes shining in happiness; it belonged to the same guy who knew what her test scores were, and what her hobbies were; whether it was eating chocolate ice cream – like Meatball head, his mind smiled – or studying – like her friend, Amy.

Serena. Tuxedo Mask couldn't help but think of the rant he would receive if he told her he'd stolen a girl's first kiss on a whim, thoughtlessly following sudden passion. He winced a bit at the thought of her reaction. Tuxedo Mask was sure he was in for at least one punch, if not a swollen foot.

'_Serena_.' Darien sighed in his mind.

Stealing Serena's first kiss would have been okay, because to her he was just a boy and she was just a girl. He talked to her on a daily bases, and sat at lunch with her. He sometimes even stopped teasing her long enough to comfort her if she was feeling down. He knew her happy face and her fake sad face like he knew his own facial expressions. He knew when Serena was angry and when she was merely annoyed…he knew _her_. And _that_ is the difference. He knew Serena like maybe few could; like only a male can know her as you watch her long legs walk or the graceful dip of her shirt when she reaches to pick something up.

Stealing a kiss from Serena wouldn't feel this tainted with masquerade ball masks. It would have the stigma of home.

He released her, and she turned in his arms as they dropped hesitantly. Venus saw the subtle difference in their touch, and wondered what had changed. She was the first to reach Sailor Moon, and pounced, effectively ignoring Tuxedo Masks presence.

"Are you okay?" Venus asked loudly.

"Sure. But I'm starving!" Sailor Moon said joyfully – almost too much so. Her eyes were bright and as everyone reached them they felt content that when they asked later on what happened that took so long, Serena would tell the truth. But she wouldn't. Sailor Moon knew she would omit that part of her story that made her quake a tiny bit in anticipation, because it belonged to her and hers alone. No one had a right to know because there's no such thing as second hand passion, and the Scouts that were her best friends and she loved like family just wouldn't understand.

She knew the second Tuxedo Mask left the scene. The air shifted just a bit, and gravity went back to its natural axis when he wasn't around.

He unbalanced her. It unnerved her, but she couldn't help also wanting him for it. He was like this great forced that moved her, and in return he allowed her to see inside him every once in a while. She saw tonight the conflict within Tuxedo Mask's mind. Sailor Moon saw the battle that raged within him, and she knew he needed to hold her, so she let him.

It was…an experience. It wasn't perfect, but as Serena walked away from the park with her fellow soldiers, she acknowledged to herself that she wasn't expecting it to be. She was just expecting to feel needed, and that's what he gave her. Tuxedo Mask had given her what no one else had yet. He had made her feel like she was _needed_. Not just wanted; many people want her around. And not needed in the way the scouts need her to be around when a youma comes because they can't defeat one without her.

No. Tuxedo Mask _chose_ her to be the one he needed for a few moments as his lips owned her, and that free will moved Sailor Moon like gravity moved the moon and Earth closer every once in a while. It moved her so much that she could feel passion contracting her chest and splashing across her abdomen as she thought about his sudden need for her. She thought and thought and the further she got away from Tuxedo Mask the hungrier her yearning became.

"Are you sure you're alright, Sailor Moon?" Amy asked, a worried look in her eyes. None of them had de-transformed yet, so she didn't dare say Sailor Moon's real name.

"Yea, you haven't said much since you got back." Lita tried to hint that maybe something had happened with Tuxedo Mask; the mystery she – and in reality all of them – coveted. Something had happened, but she would never tell.

'_Never'_ Sailor Moon promised, with one swift look at the moon.

"Yea, I'm good guys. Just tired and hungry." Sailor Moon tried to appease their worries. "In fact, I could so go for one of Andrew's chocolate milkshakes right now! Yummm."

Lita, Amy, and Mina all rolled their eyes at their friend – Luna forgotten somewhere along the way out of the park. But Raye wasn't so easily deterred. She sensed the flames that were burning deep within Serena and she knew something was _off._

"Where does he take you anyway, when you guys run off?" Raye asked, her eyes searching for something that maybe she wouldn't be able to find. Only a person who has known the sensual touch of another can see the imprint that is left behind on someone else.

Serena was quiet for a beat, looking for a suitable answer. But there was no suitable answer, to a question that unknowingly to the scouts had so deep a meaning. So Serena settled for the truth.

"Everywhere." She said simply, and it really did set her free. There had been an anxiety that had latched onto Sailor Moon the second she knew Tuxedo Mask wasn't near her, but that anxiety fled with her honest answer. He did take her everywhere when he held her in his arms, but Sailor Moon had to accept the reality – at least to herself – that Tuxedo Mask may never need her in that way again.

But it was okay. Because she knew he would always save her. The newly transformed woman inside of her told Sailor Moon that he would always save her. It's a connection created when two lips meet that ensured his heroics. And she would be waiting for the next time he did need her kisses.

And for the first time that night Serena genuinely smiled, and Darien and all the people in the world wherever they were unconsciously smiled too – reality and its problems forgotten for one quiet moment as the sun started to rise in Tokyo.

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><p>So, what does everyone think? I'm not exactly content with this ending but, ehh, what can I do? I just hope that it delivered. :) Tell me what you guys think and Review! :D<p> 


	2. Midnight Rendezvous

Disclaimer – Don't own anything except for my beating heart.

A.N. – Thank you guys so much for the support and love you showed the first chapter! It really made me smile. I've decided that I will do what I did with Down By the Water (TRORY), and will categorize this story as complete and add chapters whenever the inspiration strikes me. I will make sure that every chapter is not left on a cliff hanger so you feel it is complete until I next update!

I would like to give a quick shout out to **misako princess**, **Jessica**, **TropicalRemix**, **Hermione Double**, **James Birdsong**, and **xx** – your reviews were seriously awesome and I want to thank you guys for your kind words on my writing.

_/Yeah, I was in the dark, I was falling hard  
>With an open heart, I'm wide awake_

_-Wide Awake, Katy Perry_

Chapter 2 - Midnight Rendezvous

The night was chilly. The air was crisp. His heart was beating furiously, and he knew without a doubt that Sailor moon had transformed. He felt it every single time she transformed, though he had no idea who she was or could be…he knew her essence. It was in the way his body shivered suddenly, or the way his heart sped up. It was in the rush of emotions that weren't his that spoke to him whether he was awake or asleep.

And this found Tuxedo Mask jumping from building to building at eleven pm at night. The wind howled in his ears, and he knew that Sailor Moon wasn't in any danger, but still…he wanted to go to her. He wanted to see with his own eyes that she was safe; it wasn't often that she transformed when there wasn't a battle—try more like never.

She sat on the ground in the public park in front of the lake. The water, so close by, only made the air more brittle but she reveled in the feeling. It reminded her that she was alive. It reminded her that she was _there_ and not in some abstract Silver Millennium.

"It's late" Tuxedo Mask said simply as he dropped silently to the ground behind her. He saw her body, illuminated by the moon, and his heart clenched for a second. He remembered their kiss and her pleading words…but he shook his head. Tonight wasn't about that. Tonight wasn't about _him_.

"I know…I'm sorry. I know you feel me transform, and you think that I'm in danger—" Sailor Moon spoke as she turned to face him, but Tuxedo Mask was already slinking onto his knees in front of her.

"I knew you weren't in danger. I always know" he said and stretched out properly on the soft cold grass under him. He leaned on his arms, but his fingertips touches the tips of Sailor Moon's shoes. It wasn't much, but it was more than he had a moment ago. It was still less than the kiss that kept him awake for the last week.

The silence cocooned them in a shell of honesty. They knew there were words to be said, especially after their last encounter, but none of it matter. Not tonight, when the moon was so bright and the air so bitter.

"Why are we here, Sailor Moon?" Tuxedo Mask asked earnestly. He wasn't asking why he can feel her or why she hasn't sent him away since there was no battle. He was asking her all the many questions that surrounded his emotions that dealt with her. He was asking her so many things that Sailor Moon could never fathom because she didn't understand her own questions that she had. She only understood that she had yearned for comfort, and new that if she transformed he would come.

"I dreamt that I was dying." She said quietly. Her voice was barely a whisper, but it was as though she had shouted her words to the angry clouds. Tuxedo Mask was floored. He was terrified. He wanted to haul her into his lap and kiss her fiercely…but he couldn't. He didn't have the right to take her second kiss after he'd stolen the first without gentlemanly conscious.

"What happened?" Tuxedo Mask croaked out. He didn't want to know, but he asked anyway. It was just his nature to try, even if it hurt. It was the same reason why he tortured himself with daydreams of their kiss.

"Someone killed me. There was so _much_ blood, and I couldn't cry. I was dying, and there wasn't a scout in sight. _You_ weren't there. Someone killed me and…I was all alone. There was so much blood and darkness, and fear—God, I was _so_ afraid" Sailor Moon tried to explain but she wasn't sure if it came out right.

She innately wanted to shrug the dream off as a regular nightmare, but there was something about the darkness. There was something about the potency of such fear that felt familiar to her—it rang too palpable and true. She never wanted to feel that fear again, and so she didn't hide behind a smile. She didn't attempt to give a bright side, or deflect with happiness that was always a second and an inch buried inside her away. She called Tuxedo Mask—her first kiss—by way of transformation, and waited for him to find her.

Tuxedo Mask couldn't handle it when she spoke—no, it was Darien, the man, who couldn't take it. Her words were too raw and he could still hear remnants of the fear in the quake of her voice. He grasped her face with his palms and rested his forehead against hers. He wanted to haul her into an embrace, but he caught himself—it was so _hard_.

"No one—_No one_ is going to kill you, Sailor Moon. Not now, not today." He whispered roughly. He didn't dare raise his voice with the fear that his emotions would raise them too high. He couldn't fathom showing all the emotions that were turbulent inside of him.

"But someday. Someday, I might die" Sailor Moon said, and Tuxedo Mask shook his head in the negative. He didn't want to think of that ever, but Sailor Moon's dream woke her from her slumber of rainbows. She had realized when she had to rinse out the taste of blood in her mouth, that not everyone lived forever. "Yea," she continued. "One day I might die…I just don't want to be all alone."

He understood her sentiment. If she were Serena he would have sat there demanding she brighten up, and look towards all the happiness in her future. He would have insisted that she leave the melancholy and depressing thoughts at the door before she left her house. He would have instigated a fight to take her mind off her troubles, but the fact stood that she wasn't Serena. She faced death alongside him, and he couldn't shield her from the facts that came with living on the edge.

"Okay," Tuxedo Mask said gruffly, because that was all he could say. He returned to his previous position, and gave into the urge to wrap Sailor Moon into his arms. He threw an arm over one shoulder, giving her space. He was giving her room in case she didn't want to be closer. She wanted to be closer than he ever imagined. She scooted so close that he could smell the fragrance of love on her skin.

Her hair waved in the cool breeze, and she rested her head on his shoulders. They were Serena and Darien in that moment even if the other didn't know it. They were connected, and they wished so badly they could share more secrets.

"You won't be alone _if_ you die. I'll be there," Darien whispered. Those words didn't stem from his super hero's ego, but from the Man. His words were all heart and instinct. It was Endymion peaking out without his knowledge.

But Serena knew that Tuxedo Mask couldn't promise such things. It only takes one battle that he's late to; it only takes one wrong move. She buried her head in his shoulder for a second. He smelled of roses and fresh spring water. He smelled like _home_.

She stood and Tuxedo Mask let his arm fall to his side. He wished _so badly_ that he could rip his mask away. He yearned for Sailor Moon to know who he was, so that she would believe, unequivocally, in his promise. He wanted her to trust Darien…the man she doesn't know exists.

Serena didn't move any further. She wanted him to kiss her in comfort. She was the one who needed him tonight, and though he was there physically, he was nowhere near close enough. She wanted Tuxedo mask to chase her with his embrace and enrapture her. She wanted him to keep the nightmares at bay with butterfly kisses and bewitching eyes.

She wanted to bewitch him into keeping a promise she knew may never be fulfilled.

She wanted him to want to save Serena, the woman he doesn't know exists.

Over yonder, hiding within a bush, sat Luna. She watched on—hearing nothing—as Serena let the warmth from a prospective enemy shield her from the cold night air. Luna took note of Serena's slouched posture and Tuxedo Mask's gripping hands. Luna knew something was wrong, but she didn't know how to ask. She watched their bodies interact intently. Luna yearned to understand such a human emotion as _want_. She _enjoyed_ Artemis, she _loved _him, but she didn't _want_ him—the kind of want that gave cramps in the middle of the night from so much longing. Luna didn't understand the need that crippled Serena after the kiss. Luna didn't know there was a kiss at all.

So she kept vigil…not understanding, but hoping to draw comprehension from the moonlight.

"Are we—do you think that…maybe…if things were different…" Sailor Moon tried to express herself, but her wants waned with heat from Tuxedo Mask's touch.

"I think that 'what if's' are excuses to not do something now" Tuxedo Mask said softly as he looked directly at her. This was Endymion and Serenity, though they didn't know it. This was the them without masks, though their eyes can't perceive it.

Sailor Moon didn't know when Tuxedo Mask stood up, but sometime during her words he was sitting—and then suddenly he wasn't. He was so close that his breath moved her bangs, and the heat from his body was intoxicating. The heat promised things that Serena—the budding woman—knew could never be.

She turned to walk away, but Tuxedo Mask's hand grabbed her wrist. She stopped. He had forced her to stop, but not to look at him, so she stayed turned away from him.

"I—I don't want you to ever run from me," Tuxedo Mask stated huskily. He was silently pleading her not to go.

"I'm not running from you, there are just too many lines we can't cross and we've already crossed enough." Sailor Moon said sadly. She knew she couldn't want him. But she did want him. She wished he could promise his allegiance to the scouts, and not just to her. She turned to face him.

His eyes were the sad sapphires that lingered in the ocean, unknown. Sailor Moon felt heartless for bringing up issues they had, when _she_ had been the one to call him.

"Thank you," Sailor Moon raised her free hand to his cheek, "for being here for me. I really needed someone tonight, and you were there when you didn't have to be. _You_ were there for me. I went to you when I needed someone…" She was trying to explain how important he was. Serena wished he could understand…Darien understood too well.

He looked at her lips, longingly, and Sailor Moon licked her lips in reflex. She tilted her head in longing. Gravity and want moved them closer. She yearned, and ached, and knew that none of it could ever be. An image of her scouts laughing flashed through her mind. The thought brought Sailor Moon back down from her momentary high. Tuxedo Mask read her emotions and leaned away from her. His body trembled from repressed need.

"It's close to midnight," Tuxedo Mask sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You should go home and get some rest. Never know when a Youma might appear."

His words were distant and logical, but his eyes spoke volumes to Sailor Moon. They were back to being Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon—battle allies, and complicated foes. They were back to wanting and not having.

'_No,'_ Serena thought desperately. _'That can't be us. It just can't be.'_ She knew in her bones that they weren't supposed to be like that.

Without stopping to think Sailor Moon through herself into his arms, letting gravity and instinct guide her. Tuxedo Mask caught her reflexively—hungrily. He caught her body, and her lips. He molded her to his being. The kiss lasted only a moment, but Sailor Moon's brief moan of pleasure would last in his mind for months to come. He gripped her waist tightly—he didn't want to let her go. He couldn't. He did painfully.

Sailor Moon let her body sway for a moment, lingering in his embrace, in his aura of passion. She looked away, ashamed and embarrassed at her impulsivity. She didn't want to die. She felt most alive in his embrace.

"I feel you, too," she whispered bravely, "I _feel_ you, too."

Her words shocked him into immobility, so much so that when Sailor Moon ran, Tuxedo Mask let her run. He let her run from him, and slowly, a smile started to form on his lips. She could _feel_ him. The knowledge was so heady that he decided she could run from him as much as she wanted.

They _felt_ each other; they could always find each other.

As Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask walked their separate paths home, they touched their link silently and embraced the foreign emotions of the other; their masks didn't seem like such a barrier anymore...And the bitter wind finally ceased.

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><p>So how does everyone feel about this chapter? I'm not crazy about certain aspects, but I did like their honesty. Love it? Hate it? REVIEW and let me know what you think! 3<p> 


	3. Valentine's Day Blues

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A.N. – And I am back ladies and gents with a new chapter! Woohoo! Thanks so much for those of you who have reviewed, favorited, and/or followed! Seriously, these things are love and make me smile! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! :D

To **xxNarielxx**, **Nich31**, **kay**, **xSapphirexRosesxFanx**, **smfan4ever72**, and **Kasienda**: Thank you guys so much for your kind words of love and encouragement! You have no idea how happy it makes me to know others enjoy my story and my writing as much as I do! :)

_/All she knows is a picture that keeps fading on,_

_But I can't let her go, that's why I'm telling her_

'_I wanna love you more than all the things you wanted,_

_Than all of the things you're not'/_

-White Dress, Parachute

Chapter 3 – Valentine's Day Blues

The battle was fierce. The youma was a wily one, and not easily distracted by Sailor Moon's speeches like many of the others.

"We need to distract it!" Sailor Mars yelled out. Remnants of her flames were scattered about the street. Sailor Moon had to do something—anything—but what? She ran, she ducked, she screamed as she was burned slightly by Mars' fire.

"Got it!" Sailor Mercury shouted out. "It needs to be hit in the heart, Sailor Moon!"

Sailor Moon wanted to hit the youma in the heart, she really did, but it wasn't the easiest thing to do while running. Luckily, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus saw the problem and stepped up. Lightning and Love collided as it went straight for the youma.

"Your turn, Sailor Moon," Tuxedo Mask whispered into her ear—he'd moved her out of the way of the youma seconds before.

His whisper caused a shiver to run up her spine, but she couldn't focus on that. Not now. Not when the lives of her scouts were at stake.

"Moon…Tiara…_Action!_" Sailor Moon screamed out. She could feel the power traveling from her core, straight into the tips of her fingers, and into the tiara. She felt stronger than ever before, and she realized that Tuxedo Mask hadn't moved away from her. He was giving her strength.

Tuxedo Mask stood right behind her, leaning into her. His body was like a stature made of marble and warmth: the perfect combination. He smelled like coffee and earth. The scent was so masculine, so enticing, that Sailor Moon almost swayed from being drunk on him.

Tuxedo Mask saw her and lifted his hand to her waist to steady her. The contact brought her eyes straight to his, and the connection was instantaneous. But what he saw in them wasn't fear of the youma or hope that he would side with _all _the scouts, and not just her. No, what he saw was an intense longing, _for him, for life, for an understanding that she didn't have yet_. He saw a world in her eyes, and the thing is that in her eyes, the world was beautiful.

Sailor Moon let the tiara fly from her hand and in the wake of the Youma's screams all she could think was that she was drowning in her mask. She was sinking in a river of wants and desires, dreams and hopes, secrets and lies.

She was sinking. And so she walked away, hoping to tread water a little longer.

* * *

><p>Serena sat at the Crown Arcade, sipping her chocolate milkshake silently. Today was Valentine's Day, and she'd spend it at a battle field. She hadn't waited for the other girls, as she usually did or even said a word to Tuxedo Mask.<p>

She simply couldn't. Not after last time—now he _knows_.

"What's got you breaking your head, meatball head?" Darien teased as he sat down on the stool next to her. It was only a matter of time that all the girls appeared too. Where Darien went, Raye coincidentally followed.

Serena wanted to screech like she usually did. She wanted to stomp her foot and call him a jerkwad…but not yet. Not when she needed to drops of pretenses _so badly_. The lies and masks were drowning her.

"Do you think you know me?" she answered him, instead. Serena didn't look at Darien, and Darien couldn't look away from her. This was their nature in a nutshell, and it was a sight to behold—a man blinded by the sun and woman just plain blind.

"Well, I don't just strike up conversation with random people, Meatball head," was Darien's snarky reply, surprised. Serena simply rolled her eyes. She was used to his sharp barbs and caustic remarks—she even knew sometimes he says them by instinct, instead of intentionally.

"Oh, is that what this is?" Serena feigned ignorance. Darien sputtered for a moment, and Serena's gut laughter filled the Crown Arcade. Darien stopped stammering a response long enough to enjoy the feel of her laughter on his skin. He stopped moving, _breathing_ long enough to stand in awe of beauty in action.

But soon her laughter faded, and moroseness took its place, and it was as though all the happiness had faded in the world. _Yes,_ he cared deeply for Sailor Moon. He yearned for Sailor Moon. But this was Serena. _Serena_. She was the light at the end of the tunnel for him, even if it was only a mirage created to keep him going.

"What's this about, Serena?" Darien asked seriously. He called her Serena. He never calls her by her name, and just like that she knew he was listening. He was her friend whom she hated, and argued with, and sometimes lusted after silently…but he was her friend.

"I had my first kiss, and my second. I've sort of been seeing this guy behind everyone's back. Do you think you know me, now?" Serena asked desperately. She wanted to know that she hadn't changed, just because she'd been acting recklessly.

Darien felt jealousy creep up his spine, but he squashed it, fast. The truth was that he was in a very similar position to Serena, so he had no room to judge.

"I think that you're the girl who still greets me even though I tease you mercilessly," he tried to answer honestly. He wanted her to feel better, redeemed. "I think that you're the girl who has a smile for everyone, and even though that doesn't sound like much, it's a hell of a lot more than what most people do. So yea, _meatball head,_ I think I know you. I think I know you pretty well."

His words hit home, just like he wanted them to. He could see it in her eyes…there was something familiar about her gaze…he couldn't place it…so much desperation…so much hope…so much _life_…who? Why can't he place it?

But the reminiscence of a different woman, a different life, escaped him and he was left feeling slightly empty.

Serena saw the sudden recognition and disappearance of familiarity flash across Darien's face. She didn't know why, but she needed to hear words like that. She needed to hear words like that from _him_.

"_Thank you_," Serena said, heartfelt. "I—I needed someone to tell me that I'm not lost or—or a fake. That I'm still _me_."

Darien didn't need an explanation. He understood her sentiment all too well. Whenever he was around Sailor Moon he felt so off balance that he can't help but wonder if he's still the same man. Sailor Moon changes him with every kiss. Speaking of kisses…

"No thanks necessary," Darien began. "Now, onto a different topic: want to run this kiss by me again?"

His eyes were glinting and Serena knew that he was teasing her. She realized that he wouldn't judge her, and the knowledge allowed her to relax and chuckle lightly.

"Don't be such a _jerk_. It was just a kiss, nothing else to tell" she resumed the normal status quo for them. It felt good.

"Must have been one hell of a kiss to have you sitting here still on your first milkshake!" Darien ribbed good naturally. He really wanted to ask who gave her these kisses, but he knew she wouldn't tell. If she hadn't told her best friends, why would she tell him?

Serena pushed at his shoulder and laughed. He watched her laugh, and it warmed something deep within him. Serena looked back at him, and saw him: a man curious to know who woke up _meatball head's_ desire. She blushed thinking that the first person to inspire desire inside of her was _him_, then Tuxedo Mask.

She wanted to simply brush it off and move on, but something was so familiar about the curiosity in his eyes. Something about the tilt in his body, towards her, made her remember another body that leaned towards her. She could almost grab the memory, the scent. It was so close…

But it walked away like she had walked away from everyone earlier. Silently, suddenly, swiftly. But the effects left a knot in her chest, and Serena felt that she owed Darien, her friend, a better answer than a brush off. _Truth_, or something close to it.

"It was…scary, and awesome at the same time," Serena lost herself in her truth. Silence met her, and she looked sharply at Darien and realized that perhaps he didn't understand. Perhaps she didn't make any sense to anyone but herself. "It probably sounds stupid," she tried to shrug it off.

"No, I know what you mean," Darien nodded, lost in his memories of Sailor Moon. "It's the best kind of kiss, when you're scared. It's the best type of fear there is, I think. The best type of kiss."

Serena recognized a kindred spirit in Darien; he had kissed someone too. She went to ask him who she was, the girl who had garnered his affections but a voice stopped her cold.

"What's this about a kiss?" Raye interrupted quizzically, upon them with Mina, Amy, and Lita in tow. Her eyes roved over Darien's intent gaze on Serena, and Serena's pleading expression and wondered what she had missed. Suspicion creeped into her, slowly making its way into her heart.

"Nothing, just discussing kisses in general." Darien lied, a sick feeling settling in his stomach. But the slight smile never left his face and his shoulders never tensed. He embraced Tuxedo Mask in these moments when lies were necessary, and Darien, the man, couldn't hide the truth.

"What would Serena know about kisses?" Lita teased while simultaneously truly asking. They all knew something was bothering Serena, but none of them could quite put their fingers on what. Her distance from them was a different type of hurt than any of them had ever felt.

"Yea, she's Miss Saint!" Raye stated, slightly mean spirited. She didn't mean to be so judgmental, but the words always seemed to flow from her mouth before she can stop them.

"Serena?" Amy asked, the only one who hadn't taken her eyes off Serena the entire time.

Mina didn't participate in the informal inquisition. She had been worried, just like the other scouts, about Sailor Moon's distance, and had decided to keep watch over Sailor Moon's emotions. Mina wasn't great at it, but if an emotion was strong enough, intense in love or hate, she could feel it too. It only lasted a moment, but sometimes a moment was enough.

Because of this, she knows already that Serena has felt passion; it woke her up the other night, and she knew that those feelings had belonged to Sailor Moon.

The only question now is whether or not Serena, her friend, not the scout leader, will lie or not.

"Hey! I'm not a saint!" Serena screeched. The act shrouded around her like wings. The truth was deceptively honest. "Why are you so mean to me, Reeeeeiiii!"

Raye and Serena played verbal volleyball with Darien inserting random comments as everyone went to sit around them. Andrew saw the crowd of friends, and went to take his break with them for a while. Mina and Lita swooned over Andrew like always, Amy read a math book, and Raye hung off Darien's every word as he and Serena exchanged verbal judo.

No one ever noticed that Serena never answered the question.

It was normal…but all the while Darien couldn't help but try to remember the gaze that looked so familiar to him within Serena. All the while Serena couldn't stop trying to bring back the memory of a body that leaned, of a scent so masculine…They were both so close, yet so far.

Valentine's day, a distant reality made of chocolates and stars—forgotten.

* * *

><p>So, what does everyone think? Something about this chapter just made me smile. Like it? Hate it? Let me know and Review!<p> 


	4. The Coldest Story Ever Told

Disclaimer – I own nothing but my dreams!

A.N – So, it took me forever between work and school to write this but I enjoyed writing it, so hopefully you'll all enjoy reading it. There's a little surprise in there for ya! ;) Here we go again ladies and gents!

To **Momo N**, **xSapphirexRosesxFanx**, **LoveInTheBattleField, Epic-Azn-Failure**, **serenityselena**, **guest mih**, and **Kasienda**: Thanks you all so much for your kind words of encouragement and love. I seriously appreciate it, and they're lovely reminders to update because others want to continue reading this story besides me! Also, it makes me super happy to know that you guys are peeping the reoccurring irony and purposeful contemplation! :)

_/If one thing I know, I'll fall but I'll grow_

_I'm walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home_

_So am I wrong _

_for thinking that we could be something for real?_

_Now am I wrong for trying to reach the things that I can't see?/_

_-_Am I Wrong, Nico & Vinz

Chapter 4 – The Coldest Story Ever Told

Serena sat still like a graveyard full of soldiers. She sat still, but she was running inside. She was running and sprinting and breathing to _him_.

"Serena, are you listening?" Luna asked, annoyed.

"Of course, Luna," Serena smiled. The lies were flowing off her tongue easier these days. She was finding that lies were a lot like love; something that people had to work to build up, consciously or unconsciously.

"You need to ice Tuxedo Mask out, Serena," Raye repeated, knowing that Serena hadn't been listening at all.

"What? _Why?_" Serena froze. Her stillness cloaked her against the sudden pain that ripped through her at the thought. She felt a slight tug. _Tuxedo Mask_. She wanted to tug back, to silently tell him that she was alright, but she couldn't. Not while the girls were sitting around her, watching her with those hawk eyes that seemed to see all.

"We just can't risk anything, Serena. He's a hunk, sure, but he's not on our side," Lita tried to break reality to her kindly. But she was unaware of so much, they all were.

Her kindness fell on jagged rocks made of defiance and moon particles. Serena tried to not let the water fill her eyes, but she felt the tears come anyway. Just the thought of—_no!_ It isn't right. Serena felt the wrongness of the situation acutely.

"That's not true," Serena pleaded, but her cause fell on deaf ears and pitied glances. "It's not."

"Come on, Meatball head," Raye, out of patience, stood up suddenly. "I know you like him, but the team has to come first!"

"The scouts _do_ come first, but what does that have to do with anything?" Serena pushed back, raising herself to stand against them.

She saw the surprise on everyone's face, but she couldn't think on that. She couldn't think past the pain of never talking to _him_ again. She couldn't see past the pain of never feeling his arms around her again. It was too much. She was running, running, but her legs wouldn't move.

"Really? Do we?" Raye saw the fire in Serena's eyes, and it fed her own fire. "Because from we're standing it looks like you could care less that he's after the Silver Crystal, too!"

Her words pierced Serena like nothing else could have because, she realized, Raye was right. She hadn't cared. She tried to care. She really did, but…

"I—I'm sorry," Serena whispered.

What else could she say? Could she divulge all her secrets? Could she let herself go, so easily? No. The words wouldn't leave her tongue, no matter how much she tried to push them. The other girls looked at each other, confused. They felt that there was a silent conversation that they weren't grasping. They knew it, like they knew when there was a youma around.

"It's okay, Serena," Luna stepped in. She saw the questions that were about to fly, but she remembered seeing Sailor Moon with Tuxedo Mask that fateful night. Luna remembered their desperate kiss and their passionate pain. She _remembered_…and it spurred her to shield Sailor Moon.

Mina, who had stayed silent up until this point, spoke. She wanted to let everything go, but the night was too cold for lies.

"It _is_ okay, Serena, but we're your friends," she started. She spoke slowly, feeling out her words and meanings. "We care, though we don't always show it right," she looked at Raye. Raye, realizing that she had been showing her concern in the wrong way, looked away in shame.

"I know. Of course I know, guys," Serena sank to her knees. She felt the truth coming at her, but she couldn't stop running towards it.

"Then you know you can tell us anything," Mina came to her point. She didn't want secrets to bury their friendship. She didn't want their friendship to lose the trust that they all seemed to have innately. "You can tell us anything, and whatever it is, we'll work through it. You just have to _trust_ us."

Serena let the comfort that Tuxedo Mask was sending to her through their connection engulf her. _Breathe in. Breathe out._ She let her eyes drift close for a moment, and remember…arms..hands…lips…eyes…_desire_.

"What's going on, Serena?" Amy asked, concerned.

Amy, sweet Amy that had been with Serena from the start. Serena looked at her, really looked at her, and saw the worry in her eyes. She saw the pressure of being a scout hunching her shoulders. She _saw_, and did something that shamed her.

She left, without an explanation or sound, to walk in the coldest night of the year.

* * *

><p>Darien sat, at the Crown Arcade, sipping his coffee as he chatted with Andrew. He was trying to pay attention, but he could feel Sailor Moon so intensely that his hands began to shake. She had <em>infected<em> him with her emotions, and now he couldn't shut it off.

"Are you listening to me?" Andrew glared, already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry, Andrew." Darien apologized, and decided he would try for some measured honesty. "It's just some girl. She kinda has me torn up, you know?"

"I'd figured that already," Andrew rolled his eyes, and leaned a little closer over the counter. "Finally gonna go for it with Serena?"

"What!? No! Why would you even ask that?" Darien practically leapt out of his seat.

"Oh, sorry. I just—well," Andrew stammered, scratching his head. "I saw you two on Valentine's day. You guys looked pretty chummy, and then the girls mentioned that they had interrupted a conversation about kisses, and you've been so tightlipped lately. Not to mention that you've been brushing off Raye, and, well—you can see how it kinda made sense."

Darien laughed, and Andrew looked away embarrassed. Andrew punched Darien in the arm after a moment, and he simply took the hit good naturally. They were men.

Darien felt a sadness like he had never felt before permeate his body, and he realized that Sailor Moon was in a pain he couldn't fix or fight. She was on her own, and the knowledge hurt him, weirdly.

"So, not Serena?" Andrew teased.

Darien smiled lightly and bared his soul, "I won't lie and say that Serena's _just_ the Meatball Head. I'll give you that. We've got _something_ there, but…this other girl…we're like _fire_, you know? We click and fight, and it all terrifies me. It terrifies me, but I couldn't walk away if you paid me. She's _that_ kind of in-my-skin. But her friends hate me, and, frankly, I don't blame them. I'm not that great of a guy."

"So, just to make sure we're on the same page: you like Serena, but you've got some other girl—we'll call her 'X' that you like more. Good so far?" Andrew asked him seriously. Darien nodded. Andrew couldn't help but ask, "So what about Raye?"

It was a simple question, but probably the hardest that he could have asked because Darien had no clue. Raye had been a reprieve for him, at a time in his life when he needed it most. She had been fun and focused on pleasing him. She had fire which he admired, and warmth which had warmed him on more than one occasion. But she wasn't Serena. She wasn't Sailor Moon. She wasn't someone that could keep him for long. She was exactly what he had intended her to be: a reprieve. And now, his break was over.

"I'm an ass," Darien muttered out loud. Andrew heard what he hadn't said, and understood anyway. Sometimes a man just needed a woman's warmth and affection without any complications…but it was always those complications that drew them back to the one they needed the break from in the first place. They always came back home. Home. Serena. Sailor Moon.

"Well, if it matters any, my vote goes to Serena," Andrew said cheekily. Darien chuckled, and nodded his head. It was an obvious vote.

"Clearly," Darien smiled. But sadness quickly took its place. Truth in its plain form sat down between the friends that were like brothers. "But, me and Serena, that's a lot of complications. Heck, she's got her own guy issues—"

"_What?_ When did this happen?" Andrew practically hyperventilated in shock.

"I don't know," Darien shrugged. Sailor Moon's pain was intensifying, causing him to squirm. Her pain distracted him. "But don't mention it to the girls. She's keeping it from them."

"Did she say why?" Andrew asked confused. The way he saw it, those girls shared everything.

"My guess is that they wouldn't approve," Darien thought out loud. "She doesn't want to be judged for wanting someone that no one would approve of. And did you see their reaction when they heard her talking about kisses with me? You'd think someone had desecrated the Holy Grail. _Saint Serena_."

Darien didn't mean to sound so derisive, but something in the situation pulled at him. _He_ was the one no one approved of, between him and Sailor Moon. To think of Serena being put in a situation so similar…it burned his blood like hell and brimstone.

She was _the light_. But these types of situations could burn any star out. These situations could cause a pain that no one can undo. Once a pain is felt, you can't un-know it's effect.

He didn't want to think of her in the kind of pain he could feel from Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon was a warrior. Darien knew that she could survive anything, no matter how clumsy she could be. Tuxedo Mask had seen her at her most terrified in that first battle they'd both faced.

Back when it was just her and him. _Them. Together. Against the world._

Andrew listened to Darien's words, and heard the resentment in his voice. He saw Darien's hidden pain, and he felt for his best friend.

"You can't really hold it against them, though," Andrew tried to rationalize. He understood their reaction in his own way. "Heck, even I sort of think of Serena as a saint. It's not out of anything specific. She's just—well—she's _Serena_," He finished lamely. He couldn't pinpoint it, but something about her just made people overprotective. Something about her sincerity and hopefulness made people put her on a pedestal…But his words had the opposite effect on Darien.

"She's not some _princess_," Darien exploded. '_Free me. Find the Silver Crystal_' the princess of his dreams popped into his mind. He shook his head fiercely and conjured an image of Serena, pleading with him for reassurance that she hadn't changed just because she had secrets. His fury on her behalf grew.

"She doesn't live in a bubble," Darien continued. "She has the right to experience everything that everyone else does. Kisses, pain, _love_. Yes, she's probably the best human being we'll ever meet, but it's _wrong_ to try to cage her just because she's so good. It's _wrong_."

Darien didn't give Andrew a chance to rebut his statement, or clarify his sentiment; he stood, pivoted, intent on finding Serena, and stalked into the coldest night of his life.

* * *

><p>She wished for rain. She wished for redemption, and love, and something better than what she had.<p>

Serena was torn as she walked aimlessly. She went over the conversation with the girls in her head, over and over again. She needed to know where it all went wrong. Her mind was a haze of pain, longing and fear. Serena was afraid of things she wasn't even aware of. Somehow, between youma's and scouts, she became afraid of _life_.

Serena was wrapped so securely in her own mind that she didn't see Darien approaching. She didn't notice the emotions of Tuxedo Mask intensifying.

Darien was so focused on Serena that he pushed away the emotions coming from Sailor Moon. He didn't realize that the _tug_ of emotions warred with his, clashing, meshing, and finally, _one_.

It only took a moment: Serena looked up suddenly, as she ran into another body. Her face lifted, her eyes like saucers took in Darien's features, and just as abruptly, his mouth was on hers.

It was their first kiss as Serena and Darien. She let her eyes drift close, and her body relax. She let her heartbeat run wild, in sync with his. This wasn't Tuxedo Mask. This should feel _wrong_. But Darien's arms encircled her, gripping her like the lost grip of love. His body was warm on a night so cold and bitter. His kiss was rough like a warrior's heart.

This kiss should feel wrong, but it didn't. It felt _so_ right. Too right. A sigh escaped from her lips, and entered into his being, bringing rapture and salvation to Darien for just a moment longer.

"You _deserve_ to _live_, Serena," Darien gripped her face in his hands, forehead to forehead. "You deserve so much _more_ than what everyone allows you, and I'm _sorry_. I'm _sorry_ that your friends try to cage you. I am, but you deserve to be kissed and loved and _wanted!_ You have a right to those feelings and to that life. Don't let them take that from you. Just, _don't_."

Darien let her go finally, realization dawning on him—the implications of it all. He'd kissed Serena. He'd bared his soul to Serena. But, she might not have even noticed in light of his kiss. She might not have seen his soul, the way he wanted her to.

"I—" Serena stuttered. She wasn't sure what she should say, everything was happening so fast and confusing. She took a steadying breath, and spoke from her heart. "I want to live life to the fullest. I want to dream and laugh and _love_. But, I'm not fourteen anymore. I—_our_ actions have consequences. We don't get to just _act_ and _live_ and ignore the world. I wish we could. I wish everyone could _live_ and fulfill their dreams, and love happily ever after. But…"

"That's not reality," Darien whispered in concurrence. But he felt fire and indignity sweep up inside himself. "But just because it's not easy, doesn't mean it's can't happen. We have a _right_ to our lives!"

He was talking about him and Sailor Moon. Serena thought of her situation with Tuxedo Mask. But Darien looked into Serena's eyes, and took note of their shared kiss in her iris. Serena saw the remnants of passion in Darien's gaze, and longed for more.

Nothing would ever be simple between them ever again.

They were stuck in a game of quartet made up of two: Serena, Darien, Sailor Moon, and Tuxedo Mask; A sordid, heartbreakingly complicated, love affair…with the icy wind whipping them, reminding them of all the shoulda beens', coulda beens', woulda beens'…if only…

"What's this about, Darien?" Serena distracted herself from her sudden want, with the glaringly obvious: whatever had just transpired between them, wasn't about them at all. "_Really_?"

"I don't know," Darien sighed. The lie rolled off his tongue without a hitch. Lies were a curious thing, like that; sometimes they snagged on the way out, and sometimes they were as smooth as water. "I was talking to Andrew, and suddenly, I was here."

"You kissed me," she blushed brightly, but she wasn't ashamed. She didn't know what she felt, but she knew it wasn't shame.

"Yea, I did," he smirked lightly. "Are you in love with me, now?"

"Jerkwad!" Serena yelled indignantly, and stomped on his foot. The pain was instantaneous, and he jumped around lightly in pain. He could feel his foot swelling already, and knew he'd have a limp.

Serena went to stomp on his other foot, and he sidestepped her. He pivoted, lifted his arms, and locked Serena in a vice grip. Their faces were inches apart.

This didn't feel like their kiss at all; their kiss was impetuous, momentary, dream-like. This felt all too real.

"I'm kinda sorry I wasn't your first kiss, Meatball Head," Darien whispered his secret.

Ever since he had stolen Sailor Moon's first kiss it had ate at him that he hadn't deserved it. Ever since Serena told him of her first kiss, his insides churned with the violent reality that he had wished that _he_ had been brave and bold enough to be her first kiss.

Serena heard his confession, and truly thought about how she felt. She adored Tuxedo Mask. She thought the world of him, and had gone to him in her time of need. But, the fact stood that Tuxedo Mask didn't know what she looked like in the daylight. Tuxedo Mask didn't know her laughter, or her sloppy eating habits. Tuxedo Mask knew Serena as Sailor Moon, the warrior. The fact that she had garnered the affection of someone so fierce and brave made her feel strong.

She couldn't regret that feeling, but she found herself saying instead, "I'm kinda sorry you weren't, too…Jerkwad."

They both smiled at each other for a moment. They let their sudden feelings take shape within them, and they reveled in their feelings. Warmth and light came from them, bright, multi-colored, and beautiful.

All around Tokyo, people looked outside their windows, and marveled at the appearance of the Northern Lights in the middle of the city, on the coldest night in the history of Japan.

* * *

><p>Serena thought long and hard after Darien and her partied ways. They parted with shy smiles, and easy banter: simple.<p>

She transformed mid-walk through the park. She knew Tuxedo Mask would be on his way.

She sat down on a bench and waited for him, as though she were a princess, waiting for her prince. But she wasn't a princess. She was a soldier. She was a fighter. _She was a failure_, she thought, and her shame created lines on her face and aged her from fifteen to sixteen. Her shame aged her, and she wished she could be fourteen again, playing grown-up with Molly.

The air around her shifted. Tuxedo Mask had arrived, and with him, reality.

"Are you alright?" Tuxedo Mask whispered as he stood against a tree. He knew that if he walked too close to her, his instinct to wrap her in his arms would override his logic.

"No," Sailor Moon whispered, but there was a shine in her eyes that spoke volumes. "But I will be. We _all_ will be."

"I don't think I can share your optimism," he responded sardonically, but it was his knee jerk reaction…when he spoke to Serena. But Sailor Moon wasn't Serena, even though they clearly shared so many traits. Traits that he admired, and currently felt like a cad for trying to tear down. "I'm sorry," he looked away, ashamed.

"It's okay," Serena smiled lightly, more sturdy than she had felt in a long time. "A lot of people probably think I'm naïve for always thinking everything will always work out okay. I probably _am_ naïve, but…I just can't _stop_. The day I stop believing everything will be okay is the day the Negaverse wins. Don't you see?" she pleaded with him.

She pleaded so many things that she hadn't voiced, but Tuxedo Mask heard all those pleas anyway.

"I do," he lied. He couldn't tell her the truth, but she saw through him anyway. Something had changed her, he realized. He could only fathom as to what.

"If we give up, if we stop _fighting_ for our _right_ to _live_ and _love_ and _laugh_, then we've already lost all that's worth fighting for," she stood her ground as her sat. She knew, in her heart, what was right. Darien had reminded her of it.

"No one's giving up, Sailor Moon," Tuxedo Mask spoke truly. He remembered his speech to Andrew and Serena, and he spoke with conviction. "At least, I'm not giving up. I'll fight till the bloody and bitter end. I swear it."

But his avowals of steadfastness weren't necessary. Sailor Moon already knew this to be true. She saw it every time he saved her, and every time he spoke to her. Everything about his demeanor told her he would always fight.

"My scouts don't have that kind of fight in them," Sailor Moon said sadly. Her eyes shined, but the tears didn't spill forth. The bitter wind cut them short. "Maybe because when you and I transformed, we were by ourselves. We have this fight, this _fire_ that burns in us, and no matter what it'll always burn. But my scouts aren't like us. They need something concrete to believe in. And that's okay, because even I need that too, sometimes—"

"What do you believe in?" Tuxedo Mask cut in, curiosity getting the better of him.

Sailor Moon looked into his eyes, the familiarity of them hitting her, but more than that, she looked into his soul. She looked in his being, and let him see hers as she said, "I believe in you."

He saw into the bluest sky in her eyes, and he believed her implicitly. He believed that he was her crutch, when she needed one, and it felt _good_.

He went to take a step towards her, to embrace her, feel her, kiss her. He wanted to feel close to her, but she shook her head. It stopped him in his tracks.

"I believe in you," Sailor Moon started. "But my scouts don't. When I'm at a loss for what to do, my faith in you keeps me going in a battle…My scouts need to be able to believe in _me._ But they can't do that while my loyalties are clearly split—"

"You're always loyal to them!" Tuxedo Mask quickly went to her defense, but she shook her head in denial. Her silent denial made his heart stutter.

"I'm loyal to them," Sailor Moon looked towards the moon. Its shine gave her strength to speak the truth, and do what needed to be done. "I'm always loyal, but you were there first. You were there when I fought my first youma. Y—you gave me _hope_ when I was so close to—" she cut herself off and took a deep breath to steady herself.

Darien let her take the moment to compose herself. He felt it was the least he owed her after he'd wrecked emotional havoc in her life after their first kiss.

"I'm loyal to them," she continued by beginning again. "But you came before them, and so I'm loyal to you, too. But they don't trust you."

"I can't fix that, Sailor Moon," Tuxedo Mask said sorrowfully. "I'm sorry."

"They don't _know_ you," Sailor Moon threw back, appealing to his regret at her failing her. "If you just spent a little time with them after a battle—_speak_ with them. Let them get to know you, then they would trust you."

"That's not happening," Tuxedo Mask's voice was like steel: impenetrable.

"_Why not?_" she practically cried. She felt as though they were having the same conversation they'd had the night of their first kiss. Her pleading that they could all get along and Tuxedo Mask feeding her platitudes that he never had any intention of fulfilling.

"Because I don't care about them!" he exploded. He regretted doing so the moment his voice filled the air between them, but he was sick and tired of hearing about how _he_ needed to mend the bridge that wasn't even fully built between the scouts and him.

The look of shock on Sailor Moon's face tore at his chest, but he couldn't back down. Not now. Not ever.

"I'm sorry that it hurts you," Tuxedo Mask began slowly. "I know that it's not fair to put you in the middle, but the fact of the matter is that I _don't_ know them, either. _I _don't _trust_ them, either. I trust you. _You_ are the middle ground between us. So why do I have to be the one begging them for scraps of their trust? Trust is earned, not given. I've already proven myself, since like you mentioned, I've been with you from the start. I've protected you and fought the Negaverse while they were warm and cozy in their beds at night."

"The difference is that I'm _asking you_ to try. I'm asking _you_," Serena replied hotly. His pride and indignity was riling her up, in a way Tuxedo Mask had never done before.

"So ask them," he said with finality. "I won't bow down. Not to them, not to anybody. Not _ever_."

Just the idea of bowing down made him want to roar and break something. He didn't know it, but it was the prince inside of him refusing to take a knee. It was the king he would someday be, ruling his action.

"They won't try," Sailor Moon responded dejectedly. She couldn't understand why he was being so bullheaded. She expected this reaction from Darien, not Tuxedo Mask. And yet, earlier, it was Darien being understanding, while Tuxedo Mask is the one, now, being stubborn.

"But I have to?" Tuxedo looked at her fiercely. He wouldn't be budged.

"If you don't…" Sailor Moon chose her words carefully. So much relied on this conversation, too much. "If there isn't trust between you and them…you and I…we can't…_be_ as close as we are…we can't…let ourselves _feel_ the way we do…"

The look on Tuxedo Mask's face said it all. There was so much pain, that the pain itself had become tangible in that moment.

"_Try_ to understand," Sailor Moon rushed to explain, her own heart pounding severely. "They _need_ me like _I_ need _you_."

"I understand, Sailor Moon," Tuxedo Mask replied stonily. His face was a mask now, to Sailor Moon, no outer mask needed.

"Please," Sailor Moon beseeched, but for a thousand things that she couldn't even fathom.

His face slackened a bit, and he tried to be as compassionate as he could, all the while this new reality of their situation set in.

"It's okay," he tried. "Really. I get it. They have to come first for you. I do."

"They'll come around," Sailor Moon lied. But she had to believe it. She had to have faith or lie until faith was born in her. It was her way.

"They're lucky to have you," Tuxedo Mask jumped into the tree. "Never forget that, no matter what."

"Don't go yet!" Sailor Moon jumped off the bench. But it was too late. Tuxedo Mask was already running away from her.

He was running and running, though he couldn't outrun his heart. In his mind he was standing as still as a statue. He couldn't stomach the bitter taste of troubled love. So he ran, finally noticing how cold it really was.

But Sailor Moon didn't run. She was wearied, and felt older than she ever had before. She transformed, and Serena walked home, climbed into bed, and drifted to sleep. She drifted, as she ran in her mind, to take a, much needed, break from the coldest story ever told.

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><p>So what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know and Review! Reviews are love!<p> 


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